Is anyone else excited for Jurassic World? I’ve got fond memories of first film in the series, Jurassic Park, directed by Steven Spielberg and based on Michael Crichton’s novel. Could this be the movie to reboot the franchise?
#JurassicWorld is set 20 years after the first film, where the park is still in business but the bosses breed an enormous new hybrid dinosaur, Indominus Rex, to attract the punters. Of course everything goes a bit wrong (surprise!) and park worker Owen Grady, played by Chris Pratt from Parks and Recreation and Guardians of the Galaxy, has to save the day – along with his trusty pack of pet raptors. Here’s the final trailer:
We wondered what it would be like trying to get out of Jurassic World alive. What would you need to survive?
Five Things You Need to Survive Jurassic World
Yes, I know it’s a bit boring, but water is essential in a survival situation. Make sure you’re carrying a few bottles to keep yourself hydrated. If you take along some clear plastic cups, you can even recreate the T-Rex stomping scene from Jurassic Park. (If you notice your drink shaking on the flight over to Isla Nubla, don’t worry – that’s just the toddler behind you kicking the back of your seat.)
How many times have we seen monster films where our heroine is in the middle of the jungle, at night, in the pouring rain and her torch stops working? Never again. This torch won’t just stand up to the elements, it even has a 16-hour run time. (Considering Jurassic World is a shade over two hours long, that’ll give you 14 hours to spare. Nice.)
Aluminium foil? Yep. It has a surprising number of emergency survival uses. You can fashion it into a container to drink a cup of tea, ball it up and use it as fishing bait – it’ll sparkle underwater attracting attention – and you can even use it to start fires and roast whatever you want for dinner. Brontosaurus leg, anyone?
Behold the mighty duct tape! Not only has it been used on the moon, it’s perfect for making improvised weapons to fight off dinosaurs. Just tape a spoon to a broom and you’ll have a fearsome tool to scoop the beasts to death. (And if you find yourself with other survivors, tape the most annoying one to a tree to use as bait while you run away.*)
Super glue is great for getting you out of a sticky situation. In Jurassic Park, the raptors figured out how to open a kitchen door. But could they have done that if someone glued the lock? In Extremis, glue has even been used to close wounds when stitches weren’t available (though we recommend a sticking-plaster if you’ve got a paper cut). (Finally, if the chap you duct taped to a tree somehow managed to struggle free, just glue a ham sandwich to his hands. He won’t escape T-Rex twice.**)
Five Things You Should NOT Bring to Jurassic World
I know what you’re thinking: when going abroad for a holiday, take some tomato sauce to put on the local cuisine. You’ve got to have a taste of home, right? Wrong. One bad tear on opening, or a single mis-jabbed fork, and you’ll puncture the packet, squirting sauce all over your face. Then one of your friends turns around, sees you covered in ‘blood’ and start shrieking, attracting the attention of any nearby dinosaurs. Oops.
Camouflage is essential for escaping from predators. At first glance a wheelie bin seems ideal for this. Yes, it’s big and green like a dinosaur. Yes, you could use marker pens and Tipp-Ex to paint a snarly face and big teeth on it, to help with the disguise. Yes, in theory you could hide in it and roll out of the park to safety. But if you sneeze inside and something hungry hears it, you’ve just become a tin of sardines.
You’ll never run as far, or as fast, as you will while stuck on an island being chased by dinosaurs. In normal life it’s OK to pause after a jog and check your Fitbit to see how far you’ve run and how many calories you’ve lost. But here’s how that would work in Jurassic World: ‘Hey guys! I’ve run a PB for 800 metres and I’ve burne…’*chomping sounds. dinosaur burp*
When stranded on an island, you’ve got to keep an eye out for rescue choppers. When you spot one, you need to attract its attention. Stand out from foliage by donning a bright yellow reflective vest. Just bear in mind that you need to time this really well, since as soon as you put it on, you not only increase your chances of being rescued, you also turn into a glowing, human-sized hotdog. (Live even more dangerously by combining the vest with the tomato sauce.)
Have you heard of ‘found footage’ movies? They are films where the characters discover a video detailing all sorts of horrors, like in The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity and Cloverfield. Of course, the only reason they can find the footage is because the cameraman died. Why? He spent too long filming the thing that’s going to squish, stomp and squelch him. That’s a clue.
* We’re only joking. Never sacrifice one of your party members.
**Or waste a perfectly good sandwich.
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Previously on The Euroffice Blog…